Runway Review Of Paris Fashion Week
We’re talking lobes.
Bonjour Paris Fashion Week and au revoir. Armed with croissants and baguettes in their tiny designer bags (I assume), the designers came out to play and P (he), G (she) and D (me) have opinions.
ALEXANDER MCQUEEN | AW20
P: Fly, be free!
G: Looks like the soles of a Louboutin.
D: Growing up in a brown household, shoes that are also pants stress me out. What do you leave at the door?
ANDREW GN | AW20
P: It’s about the lobes. Does she work out those lobes?
G: That’s some fierce button work. Oh yeah, and the earrings – how are her lobes not ripped?
D: Since when was Wednesday Addams a resident at the Vatican?
ANDREAS KRONTHALER FOR VIVIENNE WESTWOOD | AKAW2021
P: Is that a sword in your pocket?
G: Bewbs. Is that a knife? No, THIS is a knife. It’s kind of like she walked out of the clouds into a Grecian fight.
D: When you re-enter the world after binging The Witcher.
BALMAIN | FW20
P: Shiny, how do you launder it?
G: Walking straight into Christian Grey’s Red Room? I dig it, I just feel like everyone is wet. (Editor’s Note: This triggered P to get a glass of water)
D: Did Augustus fall into the chocolate river again?
COPERNI | FW20
P: Greta Thunberg all grown up.
G: Putting the bored in the boardroom. Needs a little something something, like a red lip.
D: If I had to wear business wear, this would be in the circulation.
DIOR | AW20
P: Those boots were made for walking…
G: Scotland meets Native America – I’m into it. Pocahontas went to fashion school.
D: As headmaster of my imaginary high school, I declare this the uniform.
GIVENCHY | FW20
P: Wouldn’t that be heavy on the shoulders?
G: Givenche-give me. Loving all dis.
D: The structure I need in my personal life right now.
HERMES | AW20
P: That’s a lot of neck action. Show me again. Car accident at 12, fashion show at 3 and herding the sheep at 5.
G: Evil James Bond in the snow.
D: Putin would dig this.
ISSEY MIYAKE | AW20
P: High vis on the catwalk.
G: When your knees get sweaty. Great for the snow when you fall over.
D: I love knee ventilation.
ISABEL MARANT | FW20
P: What’s that rug thing that’s been converted to a onesie?
G: I would look like a swollen blue lollipop.
D: Middle splits stress me out. Put the crotch away.
JUNYA WATANABE | FW20
P: How do you even put that thing on?
G: Cruella de Ville got caught up outside Moulin Rouge. If you know, you know.
D: There’s a lot to take in here but I’ll take it in another day thank you.
KOCHÉ | FW20
P: Couldn’t decide on a colour theme? Half Sweden, half Denmark.
G: Isn’t it nice to see international diversity on the runway?
D: Is this what 1800s lingerie looked like?
KWAIDAN EDITIONS | AW20
P: High vis again. And doesn’t look happy wearing it.
G: Absolutely un-fabulous.
D: Zoinks. What Shaggy would do for a Scooby snack.
LANVIN | FW20
P: Someone forget their helmet.
G: I actually really dig this, minus the neck thing and would contemplate leaving the helmets at home.
D: When you have to wear a helmet on a Lime Scooter but make it fashun.
LOEWE | FW20
P: Looks like a Chinese restaurant table runner
G: This looks like Emperor’s New Groove! I like it!
D: I used to draw this exact pattern on all my exam papers when I finished early.
MAISON MARGIELA | AW20
P: I don’t know if she’s walking backwards or forwards.
G: When your husband’s dead but you’re still on the prowl.
D: Is this commentary on ocean pollution because, if so, it seems counterproductive.
MAISON VALENTINO | FW20
P: What’s going on with that handbag? Handbag or hambag?
G: Mr Mugatu from Zoolander helped out.
D: When I’m forced to clean the toilet.
MUGLER | FW20
P: She’s pulled the couch apart and made an outfit. Sustainable fashion at its finest. Wouldn’t want to be busting in that, though.
G: Very noisy to walk in. Does she need lube underneath that?
D: Those shoes are a weapon and I want them for the apocalypse.
NINA RICCI | FW2021
P: That would make a good lampshade. Rings a bell.
G: Sun safety at its finest. Nek minnit, neck flap hats.
D: I adore the shizz out of this and if an influencer could donate it to my local thrift store ASAP that would be swell.
OFF-WHITE | FW20
P: Yakity Yak, don’t talk back.
G: Cow-licious. Give me all the animal print, cows included.
D: These pieces are really moo-ving.
PACO RABANNE | FW20
P: How do you see through that? How do you manoeuvre?
G: Lots of boujee seaweed.
D: Dementor high fashion.
REDEMPTION | S20
P: That’s pretty hot.
G: Still can’t get around the gladiator heels, but that dress is amaze. So are her collarbones.
D: Would need plenty of fashion tape for those shoes but not mad about it.
SACAI | AW20
P: I just want her to stop so I can read it all. The first word you find is your future.
G: It’s just hurting my eyes a little bit.
D: Luxe meets literacy.
THOM BROWNE | FW20
P: I don’t even know what to say. (Editor’s Note: he actually didn’t say anything else, just stared).
G: When you have a kid’s birthday party at 9, school at 10 and circus performance at 12.
D: Alternate reality animal Uncle Sam is living for this.
Header Credit: Paco Rabanne, Issey Miyake, Nina Ricci