Runway Review Of Paris Fashion Week

We’re talking lobes.


By Dinushka Gunasekara | 5th March 2020

Bonjour Paris Fashion Week and au revoir. Armed with croissants and baguettes in their tiny designer bags (I assume), the designers came out to play and P (he), G (she) and D (me) have opinions.

ALEXANDER MCQUEEN | AW20

P: Fly, be free!

G: Looks like the soles of a Louboutin.

D: Growing up in a brown household, shoes that are also pants stress me out. What do you leave at the door?

ANDREW GN | AW20

P: It’s about the lobes. Does she work out those lobes?

G: That’s some fierce button work. Oh yeah, and the earrings – how are her lobes not ripped?

D: Since when was Wednesday Addams a resident at the Vatican?

ANDREAS KRONTHALER FOR VIVIENNE WESTWOOD | AKAW2021

P: Is that a sword in your pocket?

G: Bewbs. Is that a knife? No, THIS is a knife. It’s kind of like she walked out of the clouds into a Grecian fight.

D: When you re-enter the world after binging The Witcher.

BALMAIN | FW20

P: Shiny, how do you launder it?

G: Walking straight into Christian Grey’s Red Room? I dig it, I just feel like everyone is wet. (Editor’s Note: This triggered P to get a glass of water)

D: Did Augustus fall into the chocolate river again?

COPERNI | FW20

P: Greta Thunberg all grown up.

G: Putting the bored in the boardroom. Needs a little something something, like a red lip.

D: If I had to wear business wear, this would be in the circulation.

DIOR | AW20

P: Those boots were made for walking…

G: Scotland meets Native America – I’m into it. Pocahontas went to fashion school.

D: As headmaster of my imaginary high school, I declare this the uniform.

GIVENCHY | FW20

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9NEHAlIfNf/

P: Wouldn’t that be heavy on the shoulders?

G: Givenche-give me. Loving all dis.

D: The structure I need in my personal life right now.

HERMES | AW20

P: That’s a lot of neck action. Show me again. Car accident at 12, fashion show at 3 and herding the sheep at 5.

G: Evil James Bond in the snow.

D: Putin would dig this.

ISSEY MIYAKE | AW20

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9MTjz4gy1X/

P: High vis on the catwalk.

G: When your knees get sweaty. Great for the snow when you fall over.

D: I love knee ventilation.

ISABEL MARANT | FW20

P: What’s that rug thing that’s been converted to a onesie?

G: I would look like a swollen blue lollipop.

D: Middle splits stress me out. Put the crotch away.

JUNYA WATANABE | FW20

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9Jdx5uBBDc/

P: How do you even put that thing on?

G: Cruella de Ville got caught up outside Moulin Rouge. If you know, you know.

D: There’s a lot to take in here but I’ll take it in another day thank you.

KOCHÉ | FW20

P: Couldn’t decide on a colour theme? Half Sweden, half Denmark.

G: Isn’t it nice to see international diversity on the runway?

D: Is this what 1800s lingerie looked like?

KWAIDAN EDITIONS | AW20

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9O67nXgjOl/

P: High vis again. And doesn’t look happy wearing it.

G: Absolutely un-fabulous.

D: Zoinks. What Shaggy would do for a Scooby snack.

LANVIN | FW20

P: Someone forget their helmet.

G: I actually really dig this, minus the neck thing and would contemplate leaving the helmets at home.

D: When you have to wear a helmet on a Lime Scooter but make it fashun.

LOEWE | FW20

P: Looks like a Chinese restaurant table runner

G: This looks like Emperor’s New Groove! I like it!

D: I used to draw this exact pattern on all my exam papers when I finished early.

MAISON MARGIELA | AW20

P: I don’t know if she’s walking backwards or forwards.

G: When your husband’s dead but you’re still on the prowl.

D: Is this commentary on ocean pollution because, if so, it seems counterproductive.

MAISON VALENTINO | FW20

P: What’s going on with that handbag? Handbag or hambag?

G: Mr Mugatu from Zoolander helped out.

D: When I’m forced to clean the toilet.

MUGLER | FW20

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9ESGQxoA2r/

P: She’s pulled the couch apart and made an outfit. Sustainable fashion at its finest. Wouldn’t want to be busting in that, though.

G: Very noisy to walk in. Does she need lube underneath that?

D: Those shoes are a weapon and I want them for the apocalypse.

NINA RICCI | FW2021

P: That would make a good lampshade. Rings a bell.

G: Sun safety at its finest. Nek minnit, neck flap hats.

D: I adore the shizz out of this and if an influencer could donate it to my local thrift store ASAP that would be swell.

OFF-WHITE | FW20

P: Yakity Yak, don’t talk back.

G: Cow-licious. Give me all the animal print, cows included.

D: These pieces are really moo-ving.

PACO RABANNE | FW20

P: How do you see through that? How do you manoeuvre?

G: Lots of boujee seaweed.

D: Dementor high fashion.

REDEMPTION | S20

P: That’s pretty hot.

G: Still can’t get around the gladiator heels, but that dress is amaze. So are her collarbones.

D: Would need plenty of fashion tape for those shoes but not mad about it.

SACAI | AW20

P: I just want her to stop so I can read it all. The first word you find is your future.

G: It’s just hurting my eyes a little bit.

D: Luxe meets literacy.

THOM BROWNE | FW20

P: I don’t even know what to say. (Editor’s Note: he actually didn’t say anything else, just stared).

G: When you have a kid’s birthday party at 9, school at 10 and circus performance at 12.

D: Alternate reality animal Uncle Sam is living for this.

 

Header Credit: Paco Rabanne, Issey Miyake, Nina Ricci