The Madness Of Mercury In Retrograde At Style
The microwave’s been on highBy Guest Styler | 5th March 2020
If you haven’t already heard, mercury is in retrograde. What this means exactly, I don’t know, but am still going to blame it for my failings. Apparently, this is common and many people, including our own Stylers, don’t believe in the “wooh-wooh”, stars and horoscopes etc. But, if the moon can affect the tide, surely it’s gotta have some effect on us humans? I mean you and me, baby, ain’t nothin’ but mammals after all.
According to the World Wide Web, this mercury in retrograde thing is meant to heavily affect communication. Fab. Great. Fantastic. I also believe it’s the planet moving backwards in space rather than forwards? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
Whether you believe in it or not, I vote mercury just needs to get outta the microwave, have a Gatorade and chill the f out. (For the record, this is just life, but if we can put blame on something out of our control, let us.)
Investigative journalism at its finest, begins now.
Corrina, Style Photographer – I spontaneously swapped the car of my dreams for a new “responsible” car and five days later have already called the car dealership to trade it back in. DON’T SIGN CONTRACTS WHILE MERCURY IS DOING ITS THANG.
Dinushka, Journalist – I’ve become butter fingers to the max. Shout out to all the people on the train who have watched me scramble to pick up my phone under one seat and my rogue AirPod from the aisle (I love public transport etiquette).
Tai, Digital Content Coordinator – I don’t believe in it. But, my friend had a rough day recently. He split his pants at work and didn’t know, caught the train home but then it started hailing so hopped off the train early and caught an Uber. He got home but was locked out, while the rain and hail drenched his freshly washed sheets on the line. Lel.
Courtney, Content Manager & Journalist – I don’t even know where to start. I got in the shower with my socks on, spilt water all through my handbag and, this morning, spilt liquid lipstick over a new blazer. Winning.
Me, Georgie, Digital Journalist – I’ve been more emotional than all of Drake’s albums combined. I’m sensitive and an overthinker on a good day. RIP to my friends, fam and boyfriend. You guys deserve medals.
Rebecca, Operations Manager – My health’s been all over the place. Can’t catch a break with this one; who bloody knows.
Lisa, Account Manager – I’ve become full-blown crazy mum. This includes running out to the backyard at 2am in the pouring rain – while pregnant – to try and move my son’s freshly painted cubby house out the way.
Chloe, Account Manager – I can’t even begin. I’m a Gemini, need I say more?
Jasmine, Journalist – My dog got non-sexual herpes. And then, yesterday I was feeling nauseous so thought the lemonade in the work fridge would help. I opened it and it sprayed all over my face and body and the floor…
Sophie, Senior Designer – I’ve been fine! Oh, I got a flat tyre, does that count?
Katie, Senior Designer – Nothing really, think I’ve been good.
Max, Editorial Coordinator – Na dude, I’m good.
Mel, Editorial Assistant – Every night = weird dreams!
Madison, Account Manager – My life’s been pretty normal.
Maddie, BDM – Oh my god, don’t even get me started. *The rest of her comments are NSFW*
Bethan, Creative Assistant – I got majorly scammed on Gumtree… I don’t want to get into it.
Rhonda, Sales Coordinator – Nah, I don’t believe in that *expletive*. It’s all called life, darl!
Paul, General Manager – *Looked at me blankly and had no answer*
Fiona, Deputy Editor – *Not even going to bother as she’s in Thailand. Ain’t nothing in retrograde there*
To my colleagues who have had smooth sailing, I LOVE THAT FOR YOU.