Wanna know what love is? This show can tell you

Wanna know what love is? This show can tell you

Love lifts us up where we belong, but it also stinks (yeah, yeah)

By Brittney Deguara & Elizabeth Best | 16th December 2015

We might not know what the meaning of life is, but when it comes to love, we all have some pretty strong views. So strong that when Daniel Evans and Amy Ingram asked people to submit stories of what love means to them for their new show I Wanna Know What Love Is, they received more than 800 submissions.

We've got our hands on the top 10 weirdest, saddest and funniest stories submitted to the show to answer the question "what is love?" (baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more)

Weirdest

1. I went out with this guy for about two months, realised I didn't fancy him anymore so I broke up with him one night. He told me people didn't break up with him, that he didn't do friendship and that there's no getting him back once the decision was made. One of the many reasons we broke up.

The next day I got a text from him declaring that he was in love with me and that he would win me back. I ignored it. Three days later, I was about to head out when someone knocked on the door. I opened it to find him standing there, goofy grin on his face, arm outstretched. I was slightly turned off. He demanded that I follow him into the backyard. He led me out the back of my place, put me next to a tree and told me to wait there. I waited. Five minutes later, he came running back with a guitar and proceeded to sing I Wanna Grow Old With You from The Wedding Singer. Except he changed the words to “I Wanna Grow a Little Bit Older With You.” Classy. We didn't get back together. He blocked me on Facebook. I never saw him again.

2. I had to destroy my love last week. In the past four years, I have lived in five houses, have only seen my family once or twice a year, and have gained and lost many friends. This car was my constant. I laughed in her, cried in her, kissed in her, crashed in her. She was the only thing that never changed. Last week we gave up on each other. But I will never forget her. She will always be my first and greatest car. Is it weird to call it love?

3. There is absolutely love at first sight. I saw him across the room at a 4th of July celebration party in Waverton, Sydney. We saw each other across the room; we both crawled over to each other (why we were on the floor I fail to recall but I am sure there was a valid reason). We have been together ever since. No, that’s not entirely true. We have been together since marrying 29 years ago. The first ten years of being in love were not in wedlock; rather, it was a 1970s relationship, and we all know what that means.

Saddest

4. I remember my first night without you. I got drunk and cried myself to sleep. I still haven't been cured of the hangover.

5. She told me she knew I loved her, but that was all I got.

6. I loved. You didn't. I drew away and made a boundary. You broke that wall and have love in your heart, now. Far too little and far too late. All the while you were breaking the boundary and I was running further away, tasting new things, experiencing new people. I found myself and don't want you anymore.

7. When I think back to my younger self, I cringe at the lack of self-respect I had when it came to love. I wanted to be loved so desperately, I would fall in love in a moment. A pair of sad, brown eyes. An arrogant strut. If you want to know the truth, my first loves were all train wrecks that destroyed my sense of self and made me question if I was worth it. If I was worth anything.

Funniest

8. I found him eating a peanut butter sandwich with spam on the top and I knew he was the one.

9. When I was in high school, I had a mix tape thrown at the back of my head by my arch-nemesis. As I turned around, they said, “Happy F*****g Birthday.” And I realised in that moment that we had loved each other all along; we were just quite confused about the feeling.

10. When I was a child, I couldn’t wait to fall in love. I used to dream about the man of my dreams galloping into my life and sweeping me off my feet. We’d fall madly in love and he just couldn’t go on living without me by his side. Then, something terrible happened; something that changed my perception of love completely. It took hold of me and refused to let go, no matter how hard I tried to remove it from my thoughts. Three little words. Those three little words changed everything.

Kentucky Fried Chicken.

The Colonel came storming into my life and simply refused to leave. His welcoming smirk, which said so many things in one, "I got you. I got you in the palm of my greasy chicken hand and I am not letting go." He had got me indeed.

Why? Why must my first feeling of love be with a dead person who somehow managed to get the perfect combination of 11 herbs and spices exactly right? Okay, so it wasn’t with him exactly, but with his breasts. His delicious deep-fried breasts.

I was worried. Worried that nothing would ever compare. How could any man (or woman) make me feel the way the Colonel's chicken did? Happy, content, loved and maybe just a little bit dirty. These feelings of fear continued for many years (along with my ongoing affair with the Colonel’s breasts) until finally, FINALLY there was something else. Another spark that ignited that would almost remove those dirty three words from my memory completely.

Deep-fried Mars Bars. True love.

I Want To Know What Love Is
Brisbane Powerhouse
December 16-December 19, Wed-Fri 7.45pm; Sat 2pm and 7.45pm
Tickets: Concession $33/Adult $39

THE PARTY ISSUE

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Article by Brittney Deguara & Elizabeth Best

This story has been written by a Guest Styler for Style

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