Maybe it wasn’t you, it was him/her; maybe you just weren’t that into each other; maybe one of you was too blonde. No matter what the cause, we all know that the pain, awkwardness and general emotional turmoil of a break-up are things we’d like to fast-forward through quicker than an annoying Genie Bra ad.
But at some point, we all realise that break-ups aren’t the end of the world, so we dust off that melancholy, take control, and do our best to move on. Well, frankly my dear, social media doesn’t give a damn.
Thank you, Snapchat, for passive-aggressively putting the ex into my “Needs Love” section.
Thank you, Spotify, for alerting me to the fact that they are listening to a playlist called “Sexy Time”.
Oh, and thank you ever so much, Facebook, for putting the ex at the top of my feed, collating photo collages of our old photos and constantly suggesting I add them to my party invite list. NOT HELPFUL, ZUCKERBERG.
It’s hard enough to get over an ex without your push notifications actively reminding you of them. How far is too far when it comes time to detox your ex? Do yourself a favour and use our social media hacks to help you get over that break-up.
If it wasn’t a bad break-up or a serious relationship and you were both happy with the decision, odds are you’re going to have an easy time getting over it.
But just to prevent any future feelings of jealousy, insecurity or regret, set yourself a challenge of not searching them on Facebook for a while. You know you’ve done well when they’re not the first one to pop up in the search bar after you type the first few letters of their name.
Snapchat can also be a social media landmine since it’s too easy to see when someone has taken a screenshot or replayed your snaps in the past 24 hours. Since the ex (and others) can tell whether or not they are one of your best Snapchat friends thanks to those sneaky little emojis, it may be best to take a break from Snapchatting them for a while.
Find Your Friends and Foursquare? Ummm, DELETE. It’s creepy to stalk anyone through their phone’s GPS, let alone your ex.
Painfully awkward and awkwardly painful
If the break-up wasn’t a mutual decision, it might be time to step it up a notch. Especially you make this face every time you think about it.
Change your relationship status so that only you can see it (but don’t change it to “It’s Complicated”, we beg of you). The unfollow button on an ex’s Facebook profile is your new best friend. While you’ll still see their name in your search bar and in your suggested invites, unfollowing prevents their photos and status updates from appearing in your news feed. If you’re worried about seeing photos uploaded by mutual friends, you might want to consider unfollowing those friends as well if the break-up was truly cringe-worthy.
Spotify and Instagram don’t really have any handy hacks for the dumped or dumpers amongst us, giving us only two dramatic options: continue following or (gasp!) unfollow. If their Insta profile is public, you can unfollow and then come back and like photos once you’re at a good stage with them (or search them daily out of sick curiosity). If they’re on private, well that’s what they call cold turkey, ladies and gentlemen, so we’ll leave that up to you.
A handy hack with Snapchat is to edit their name so that they appear further out of sight on your friend list, or maybe get creative with cute names like “AVOID”, “BAD” and “DO NOT OPEN”.
Erasing their ex-istence (hehe)
Woah, woah, woah so it’s that bad??? While the “out of sight, out of mind” approach makes sense, blocking, unfriending, and untagging or deleting all ex-related photos and statuses can come off as hurtful, unnecessary and sometimes just a smidge crazy.
Take a Break on Facebook (only on your phone) helps you to miss out on their photos and status updates as well as tags, friends, search and event invite suggestions involving their name!
You can also detox their online presence without causing offence with Block Your Ex, an app that blocks your browser from accessing their Facebook, Twitter, blogs or Google search listings. Infuriating, but effective.
If the break-up or relationship was truly toxic and associating with this person is bad for your health, go gangbusters with the unfriend, unfollow and block buttons on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Spotify, Pinterest, WhatsApp, your iPhone and yes, even LinkedIn.
And if your Facebook is truly smothered with evidence of your relationship (cringe-worthy photos and insane statuses that were once considered cute and not insane), take advantage of Killswitch. This app allows you to easily remove some if not all statuses, photos, wall posts and videos tagged with your ex. Just don’t blame us if you end up with a blank page featuring only photos from 2009.
I will alwaaaaaays looove yoooooou
Having trouble abstaining from contact? Especially while inebriated? Been there. Although contact-blocking apps like Designated Dialer and DrunkDial have yet to make their way to Australian app stores, there’s no stopping you from doing it yourself by blocking certain contacts on your phone until you’re sober and your proper decision-making skills are reinstated.
You can also take advantage of apps such as RX Breakup, which offers a 30-day guide that consoles you in your time of need and offers advice and constructive criticism on how to break your patterns and empower yourself in relationships.
And hey, soon you'll be singing...
Feature Image: The Break Up (2006), Pinterest
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