First World Problems We Love To Complain About

First World Problems We Love To Complain About

A #FirstWorldWhiteGirl lets us know about the real problems in life. Like, more important than world hunger. Duh.

By Judy Hainsworth | 15th March 2016

First-world problems are more of an issue than you think. Have you ever wondered what narcissistic, sociopathic, fame-obsessed, Kim Kardashian-worshipping trust fund princess has to deal with in life? No. Because you only care about yourself. Typical.

We talked to Tiffany (aka Judy Hainsworth) from #FirstWorldWhiteGirls about the biggest trials and tribulations she has to face.

1. When your hair extensions give you a headache

I have so many different pieces attached to my head right now. They weigh at least a couple of kilos and give me really bad neck pain. But pain is beauty. A full head of long, thick hair is the ultimate in beauty. All the movie stars do it. My extensions are all human hair, of course. Remy hair. I don’t know what Remy means but I know it’s the best because it’s the most expensive. #youreworthit

2. When ugly guys ask you out

This is the WORST and it happens all the time. In the show, I sing a song called Please Don’t Ask Me Out and my favourite line is “This is not Beauty and the Beast. Besides, I choose Gaston.” If there are any guys reading this, know your limits, ‘kay? On the scale of hotness, I’m a 10 and you’re like, a three.

3. When your cleaning lady parks in your driveway

Um, rude. What if I need to drive somewhere? I don’t. But I might. And I don’t want anyone thinking that povo old Holden is mine. #poorpeople #thehelp

First World White Girls Couch

Life is like really hard, you guys.

4. When you’re using your phone in bed and you drop it on your face

I gave myself a black eye the other week. Someone I know broke their nose. They need to make a little holder for it before I start up a class action lawsuit.

5. When your arm’s not long enough to take a good selfie

Being vertically challenged can impact your life in ways tall people couldn’t even imagine. A good selfie is all about angles so arm length is a definite advantage. And there is no way you should be seen using a selfie stick. #so2014 #sojapanesetourist. Are arm extensions a thing? Note to self: look into this.

6. When you’re too cold with the air-con on, but too hot with it off

My fave thing is snuggling under the doona at night with the air-con on. #whatclimatechange #carbonfootprin

7. When your fave café runs out of smashed avocado

What am I supposed to eat for brunch now?? Do you even know what it was like for me when avocados were $10 each? I mean, I lost two kilos without all that bread but I shouldn’t have to live this way.

#FirstWorldWhiteGirls returns to the Judith Wright Centre for a strictly limited season from Thursday, March 17 to Saturday, March 19. Click here to book your tickets. Or get your maid to do it for you. Booking things is a job for the help.

THE HOMEBODY ISSUE

View mag here >

Article by Judy Hainsworth

This story has been written by a Guest Styler for Style

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