First-world problems are more of an issue than you think. Have you ever wondered what narcissistic, sociopathic, fame-obsessed, Kim Kardashian-worshipping trust fund princess has to deal with in life? No. Because you only care about yourself. Typical.
We talked to Tiffany (aka Judy Hainsworth) from #FirstWorldWhiteGirls about the biggest trials and tribulations she has to face.
1. When your hair extensions give you a headache
I have so many different pieces attached to my head right now. They weigh at least a couple of kilos and give me really bad neck pain. But pain is beauty. A full head of long, thick hair is the ultimate in beauty. All the movie stars do it. My extensions are all human hair, of course. Remy hair. I don’t know what Remy means but I know it’s the best because it’s the most expensive. #youreworthit
2. When ugly guys ask you out
This is the WORST and it happens all the time. In the show, I sing a song called Please Don’t Ask Me Out and my favourite line is “This is not Beauty and the Beast. Besides, I choose Gaston.” If there are any guys reading this, know your limits, ‘kay? On the scale of hotness, I’m a 10 and you’re like, a three.
3. When your cleaning lady parks in your driveway
Um, rude. What if I need to drive somewhere? I don’t. But I might. And I don’t want anyone thinking that povo old Holden is mine. #poorpeople #thehelp
4. When you’re using your phone in bed and you drop it on your face
I gave myself a black eye the other week. Someone I know broke their nose. They need to make a little holder for it before I start up a class action lawsuit.
5. When your arm’s not long enough to take a good selfie
Being vertically challenged can impact your life in ways tall people couldn’t even imagine. A good selfie is all about angles so arm length is a definite advantage. And there is no way you should be seen using a selfie stick. #so2014 #sojapanesetourist. Are arm extensions a thing? Note to self: look into this.
6. When you’re too cold with the air-con on, but too hot with it off
My fave thing is snuggling under the doona at night with the air-con on. #whatclimatechange #carbonfootprin
7. When your fave café runs out of smashed avocado
What am I supposed to eat for brunch now?? Do you even know what it was like for me when avocados were $10 each? I mean, I lost two kilos without all that bread but I shouldn’t have to live this way.
#FirstWorldWhiteGirls returns to the Judith Wright Centre for a strictly limited season from Thursday, March 17 to Saturday, March 19. Click here to book your tickets. Or get your maid to do it for you. Booking things is a job for the help.