How to Fake Reading A Book

How to Fake Reading A Book

No carpe librum for you.

By Sarah Taviani | 26th August 2016

Look, I’m all about reading books. If I could spend the rest of my life reading books all day long and just taking photos of those books and still have a financially stable future I would be there like a shot.

Image: Giphy

Image: Giphy

But sometimes there are books that you just cannot/do not want to read because they seem boring as heck to you. And that is perfectly valid. If everyone loved every book in the history of the world then all authors would be millionaires (YAY!) and all humans would be broke (BOO!).

The tricky thing about not wanting to read a book is that people will then IGNORE YOUR OPINION because they think you’re not informed enough to understand why you might dislike it. So sometimes you’ve gotta fake reading a book to be able to talk about it. And it’s surprisingly easy. Here’s what you do:

1. Google it

If it’s a classic book that you’re avoiding, SparkNotes is your go-to. This little gem of a website is designed to guide you through the book and give you all that knowledge people think you don’t have.

Image: Giphy

Image: Giphy

2. Work off other people’s opinions

If you’re looking for a take on a more modern book, reviews are your new best friend. And where do you go for mass reviews? Goodreads.  Just type in the name of your book and check out all the reviews available. Beware spoilers and read more than one. You wanna be well-informed here, come on.

The really juicy stuff is in the one- and two-star reviews. Figure out the most common complaints that people have. Do you hate that too? Complain about it. Does it seem OK? Tell people, “I noticed that but it really don’t bother me that much.”

Image: Giphy

Image: Giphy

3. Compile photographic evidence

Remember libraries? They still exist and they are excellent places to visit. Borrow a copy of the book from your local library and take a photo of it in your hands/on your bed (b*tches love books and beds).

OPTION 2: Go to a department store and find the book. Then take some of their homewares (pillows, throw rugs, a lamp, a kettle, tea, bottled water and a mug) and set up a picture without leaving the store. Go ahead and make that cup of tea.

If you’re not brave enough to make that cup of tea in the store with your commandeered items, maybe “accidentally” find yourself in the break room and make a cup of tea in there to use in your photos.

If you’re smart with your filters, no one will even notice the terrible fluorescent glow from the department store and you’ll be able to make it look just like you’ve been reading this book in your bedroom.

Image: Giphy

Image: Giphy

4. Slay

Now take all of your hard work and go out into the world, young Padawan. You are ready to have conversations about this book and have opinions and people can just shut up.

Image: Giphy

Image: Giphy

PLEASE NOTE: All How to Fake stories are satirical in nature. However, if you DO decide to take on any of this really excellent advice, let us know the results on Facebook, you champion.

 

Liked this? You’ll love these:
How to Fake Success at Your High School Reunion
23 Books Every Woman Should Read
Non-Fiction Books You Need to Read

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Article by Sarah Taviani

Sarah is a Journalist. She loves lists, stationery and dresses with pockets. Sarah frequently breaks her self-imposed book-buying ban when she’s not looking.

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