Cynthia Morton's Weekly Word Vitamin | Unconditional Love

Cynthia Morton's Weekly Word Vitamin | Unconditional Love

Love may be unconditional but relationships are not.

By Cynthia Morton | 23rd November 2015

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is one of the most misused and misunderstood emotional concepts, as far as I am concerned. Yes our pets and children LOVE us and we them UNCONDITIONALLY, that is a universal truth.

However, in adult life, my view is LOVE is UNCONDITIONAL, but relationships are CONDITIONAL!

When it comes to relationships, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE can be a term used too often to "should" and "shame" people who are trying to emotionally self-preserve and set healthy personal boundaries.

Yes, LOVE is most definitely UNCONDITIONAL, almost involuntary. It's an instinctive reflex of the heart as some of us still LOVE people we really don't like, and there is nothing we can really do about that. Our ego (heads thoughts and bodies actions) will try to delete it, but our heart's capacity to LOVE is far stronger than hate.

We can and do try deleting LOVE by muting or numbing our heart in an attempt to kill off feelings of inconvenient LOVE with anger, hate and resentment.  It doesn't work for us, but against us long-term, making us emotionally ill at ease. We can most certainly bury love deeply with these dark emotions temporarily but we will never be fully at peace.

LOVE is UNCONDITIONAL however adult relationships are not.

That is why wedding vows have been around for centuries. People need to know the terms and conditions their hearts are signing up for. In some cultures marriage vows permit polygamy, include dowries and pre-nuptial financial contracts, whatever works. To each their own I say. However when we sign our name and give our word to uphold terms or vows they are CONDITIONAL, not UNCONDITIONAL.

Adults have a choice to stay or leave relationships.

Abuse, disrespect and neglect are not healthy behaviours to enable long-term, nor model as examples of loving relationships for the next generation; it's emotionally irresponsible and confusing for all.

When I got clean and sober there were two male elders that I had loved as a child that were physically violent and sexually abusive to me. There was also a female elder who looked on as I was being beaten then said to me afterwards. "Are you happy? Now you've wrecked everybody's day."

I tried to numb the innocent childhood LOVE I'd felt for these people for decades with drugs and alcohol.

It didn't work.

When I got clean and sober back in 1995, my anger had fermented into rage.   I tried to hold onto my hate and resentment but it was driving me back to want to drink and drug again.  Diseased feelings about homicide and suicide began to surface, too dark, too emotionally expensive, toxic and exhaustive to sustain.

So I've worked extensively on my own Emotional Fitness to get to a place where I can now allow the heartfelt LOVE I innocently felt as a little girl to be present these days, and I'm at peace.

Although I choose as an empowered adult to refrain from continuing a relationships with these adults today.  I've learnt that some people just don't have the emotional capacity nor desire to honour terms and CONDITIONS that involve emotional responsibility and respect.

Sometimes the most LOVING thing we can do for another is to accept them and leave them be.

Live and let live.

The most challenging person I've had to learn to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY is with myself.

Inner peace starts to flow when we become willing to UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE all of who we are and all of who we're not, every day, one day at a time.

We get a lifetime to try to master this huge emotional assignment. How are you progressing? Or are you regressing? I'm still very much a work in progress, but doing really bloody well these days.

So I just wanted to unpack the emotional baggage that is shoved uncomfortably into the case of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for you to consider. Of course this is only my viewpoint and I absolutely honour and respect your right to disagree with me. I just like to offer some interesting food for feeling for us all to consider and digest if it's emotionally palatable.

Lotsa of love Cynthia xxx

If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault or family violence, call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit www.1800RESPECT.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.

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Article by Cynthia Morton

Cynthia Morton is an award-winning wordsmith and speaker, highly skilled in the art of improving emotional fitness through her heart-warmingly healing workshops, storytelling and private sessions.