Our tiny little secrets grow up to become bit fat LIES.
It's helpful to remember that when people LIE (including us) it is always driven by fear and a confidence to honour our truth.
Somewhere in the past the LIAR has been punished or abandoned, told they were unworthy or unlovable because they dared to speak from their heart honestly.
I was working with teenagers out past Longreach recently and was unpacking the truth about why human beings tell LIES and why understanding is more valuable than judgement.
One consistently inquisitive teen who had already asked me many intimate yet intelligent questions throughout the workshop then said to me ...
"So Cynthia do you still tell LIES now that you're Emotionally Fitter?"
I paused for a moment, then responded to her with the respect this young curious heart deserved, honestly ...
"Well not as much as I used to, and when I do it's usually just to myself these days. I'm still a work in progress you see, and most of us adults are.
I confess and make amends with myself with more compassion and less shame a lot quicker than I used to." I replied.
From that point on other kids hands went up with questions like popcorn popping, so curious about us adults and this subject of LIES.
I went on to explain to these young hearts ....
"We LIE (which really just means to deny or omit our truth), when the ramifications of judgement from ourselves or others about our truth is too harsh for our already fragile heart."
A few of these darling kids teared up, and then after the workshop concluded shared some immense burdens they'd been LYING about because they felt they had nobody safe to tell.
It is a known fact that the average person tells 4 LIES a day or 1460 a year; a total of 87,600 by the age of 60. And the most common LIE is “I’m fine”.
How many times have we all LIED and said ...
"I'm fine", to ourselves or others when our heart is burning up with anger or breaking with sadness?
We all deserve to be allowed the dignity of our own mistakes and respect when we have the courage to own up to them.
We've gotta practice the art of self responsibility coupled with self compassion when we LIE, for ourselves first and foremost, before we can genuinely do it for others.
So this week, let's remember the challenge when LIES surface is to focus on facing the fear that drove the LIES instead of continuing the shame?
This means we need to become more patient and willing to listen and make time for a fragile heart, especially our own.
If we live with self-denial and LIE to ourselves frequently, it'll show up in our relationships too. If we don't have time, compassion and tolerance for our own fears, we won't have it for others. Others will sense we're not a safe person to speak their truth to, so they'll hide their true nature from us, leaving us wondering why they won't be honest.
If we are seeking more honesty in our lives, we need to check in with ourselves to ensure we are emotionally available with others and ourselves.
Honesty needs time to be heard and can't be rushed, for the truth is often longer and more inconvenient to tell than a quick, convenient LIE!