Last week we spoke about anxiety; this week we're delving into the topic of emotional monogamy.
“For me, the highest level of sexual excitement is in a monogamous relationship” …. Warren Beatty
Are we human beings are supposed to remain faithful and monogamous to one person like a swan does with their chosen mate, for the whole of our life? Or are we designed to be more like polygamist ducks programmed to shag anything that waves its tail feathers at us, changing partners with the seasons whenever we want to?
It is an age-old debate. If you ask me, to each their own. Whatever floats your boat?
Neither way of life is right or wrong as both offer assets and liabilities to consider.
A healthy lifestyle in my view requires a “live and let live” attitude towards other's intimacy preferences. This will serve us well if we choose to truly relate to others without shame or militant judgment, for what we give out I believe, always returns to us.
Living a lifestyle of EMOTIONAL MONOGAMY or polygamy is an important choice to be made as a vital part of emotional preservation. When we are communicating our emotional needs to those we select to be intimate with, we have got to be transparent if we want to grow trust.
If we are honest about the consequences of our choices firstly to ourselves and then with those we choose to partner with, we are then able to maintain self-respect and emotional wellbeing. It is only when we deny our truth and pretend to be happy being in one state or the other, that we damage ourselves and compromise the quality and integrity of our relationships.
It is important to understand that if we are offering EMOTIONAL and physical MONOGAMY to our partners, that it is a total state of being that requires discipline. Conflict will occur if we are only physically MONOGAMOUS but EMOTIONALLY polygamous. If we flirt with others, use intimate dialogue, intimate touch and body language and keep intimate emotional secrets with others while remaining only physically monogamous to our partner, it sends mixed messages that can easily be misunderstood; it takes character, maturity and integrity to honour another totally.
EMOTIONAL and physical MONOGAMY requires discipline and emotional investment with the potential for long-term results and reward. Polygamy offers instant gratification, variety and freedom from commitment. If we desire EMOTIONAL and physical MONOGAMY in our intimate relationships so that we eventually become our beloved’s one and only, we must be prepared to share ourselves without giving ourselves away. We will need to be able to offer more than just our mind and body, but most importantly, our heart. This is life’s great challenge and requires consistent discipline and monitoring throughout a lifetime that is demanding, inconvenient and requires heartfelt dedication and effort. MONOGAMOUS EMOTIONAL and physical intimacy and is an acquired human skill that is sacred and rare.
It is essential first and foremost for us to remain EMOTIONALLY MONOGAMOUS to ourselves if we are seeking it with lovers. I personally used to be emotionally unfaithful. I loved many different substances (booze and drugs) more than my chosen mates in younger years. I became unfaithful to my self-respect daily. Hunting instant gratification in many forms, and approval from others I became a slave to those external forces. Let’s remember that the word addiction is a Latin derivative for the word slave. When we become a slave to our ego, EMOTIONAL and or physical MONOGAMY becomes impossible with ourselves an others.
The opposite for the word slave is liberty; liberty is an old fashioned word that means freedom from slavery. The only way we can know true liberty and freedom is to honour what is true to our hearts honour and release ourselves from being controlled by or enslaved to external forces. This means we are then totally responsible for the quality of our own life, our relationships and all of our choices.
So this week's Word Vitamin invites us to review where our liberty and enslavement lie. Are we being true to ourselves EMOTIONALLY and physically or are we being unfaithful?
It is an important question for us to answer, as we attract what we believe we deserve.
Old George Bernard Shaw reminds us …
“Liberty means responsibility that is why most men dread it.”
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx