I want to explore the word CRAVINGS. They are our ego driving an urge, fuelled by the myth that an external solution can fix our internal problem.
Passion is our heart driving a magnetic calling, fuelled by the truth that if we become willing to express our internal authenticity, it will address our external problem.
Instant gratification and seductive CRAVINGS go hand in hand. Having been clean and sober (no booze, drugs or cigarettes) for almost 20 years only a few days ago my old CRAVING for cigarettes surfaced again.
But was it really cigarettes, or the emotional connection and stress release they represented? The same could be asked of any craving, be it cigarettes, alcohol or food.
When we water down all human emotion we are aware that we end up in one of two places. A place driven by love or a place driven by fear. Passion and love are a happy, intimate marriage, while CRAVINGS and fear are a bitter, empty, codependent marriage.
I spent an afternoon recently with bottomless pots of tea, flowing champagne and juicy, interesting conversations with a wonderful bunch of women. Waves of deep gratitude kept washing over me as I sipped my cup of tea while nibbling on plate after plate of cake. Some days life is all about moderation and as the final hours of this afternoon came, three of these gorgeous women remained. All of these three are casual cigarette smokers. One of them in sheer naughty delight, dug out of her bejeweled designer handbag a packet of fags.
In that moment I remembered the delicious escape I once savored with the divine cigarette!
Since 1995 not one puff has passed my lips, but I still sometimes dream about secretly smoking them. When thoughts like this strike, the loo provides a quiet room to re-centre whenever I am overwhelmed. In this instance I re-balanced myself and I noted the CRAVING was not for the cigarettes, it was about being included and not feeling left out; belonging.
As an adult I know I belong with these women and not for one moment were they leaving me out. However, it hit an old familiar wound and another knee jerk reaction kicked in: to say “Oh stuff it, I will have just one,” but an addict never can have just one. I had lost my centre of self just for a moment, but when I felt reconnected to myself again, I went out and rejoined the fun. Feeling emotionally safe, sane and sober.
It’s no-one else’s responsibility to ensure we remain true to ourselves. No man, no friend, no substance or thing, nor family member should be burdened with the responsibility of managing our fears. That’s our job as adults.
If we find ourselves CRAVING anything, underneath it, is what we are all looking for love, validation, connection and healing. However, seeking to satisfy that CRAVING via instant gratification from an external source, sets us up for disappointment. It is unsustainable and emotionally malnourishing long-term.
So this Weeks Word Vitamin is a quick reminder to separate our CRAVINGS from our passions. CRAVINGS are not wrong, but simply an alarm that we need to attend to an old, deep fear. CRAVINGS are ego driven urges trying to sell us the solution that an external solution like a lover, cigarette, drink, food, money or social circle can fix an internal wound we refuse to attend to.
Remember that our true passion is a message from our heart calling us to ignore the ego’s seductiveness and not sell ourselves out for a short-term quick fix. When we remain loyal to ourselves and communicate our internal truth without fear or shame, external problems then start to dissolve. Plus the real kicker is we wake up the next day with our self-respect in tact.
Lotsa love Cynthia xxx