Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa Shares Her Science-Backed Mindset Hack For Self Worth
The Power of Showing Up
By Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa | 18th September 2026You hear about self-love and self-care as things you can do for yourself. The kinder you are to yourself, the better you will feel. And while there is truth to that, what if there is another piece to the puzzle? What if one of the most powerful ways to improve your self-worth isn’t found by looking inwards, but by looking outward, through the way you show up for other people?
Focusing only on what you should be doing to increase your self worth/esteem can become overwhelming. It can feel like you’re going around in circles. You’re doing everything you think you should be doing, but you still can’t seem to get out of your own head. Hyper-fixating on having the perfect routine, perfect health, or the perfect environment, and constantly thinking about what needs to be changed or fixed can become another burden entirely, often having the opposite effect.
But when you zoom out and consider who you are in relation to the world around you, it often becomes easier to like yourself. If that sounds counterintuitive, I’m not talking about whether other people like you in a social setting. I’m talking about the value you bring to others and the role you play in the world around you. Feeling useful, knowing you’ve contributed, supported someone, or made a difference, is one of the most powerful ways to build self-worth and see the value you bring to the world.
Your belief in your own value directly influences your ability to navigate challenges and bounce back from defeat. When your sense of self is stable, you have strong foundations to overcome hurdles in life while keeping your identity strong. Those with high self-worth are confident in their own abilities, back their own ideas, and can be comfortable in their own skin no matter who they are around. So if higher levels of self-worth are the goal, how do we get there?
Self-worth is built through evidence, and evidence comes from consistently showing up. Confidence, self-esteem, and resilience don’t appear because we decide we are worthy; they grow because we repeatedly behave in ways that reinforce that belief. We have follow-through, and we keep our promises to ourselves. We become someone we can trust. This then positivity impacts your relationships, your confidence, and your sense of purpose. And finding purpose can be simple. It is how you contribute to the world or feel useful. If you don’t feel like you are part of something, helping or being useful, you may struggle to feel like you have a purpose (this includes helping animals and the environment). It’s not something you discover; it is something you build. Every time you show up, every time you perform an intentional action or behaviour, you are collecting evidence that confirms who you are. And it is through these foundations that our self-worth and resilience are built on.
When you help a friend move house, do something for someone who’s struggling, remember your partner’s stressful meeting, or simply follow through on something you said you’d do, your brain pays attention. Acts of generosity activate the brain’s reward circuitry, increasing dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin while lowering stress hormones like cortisol. You quite literally feel better after helping others. But beyond the chemistry, something even more important is happening. You are reinforcing your identity. Your sense of identity becomes clearer and stronger. You start to have a stronger sense of who you are by knowing what it is that you provide and what makes you useful in this world. And usefulness is one of the most underrated ingredients of purpose.
There is growing evidence that having a strong sense of purpose and regularly engaging in meaningful activities such as helping others, contributing to your community, and feeling productive is linked to greater cognitive resilience. People with a strong sense of purpose are around 30% less likely to develop cognitive impairment or dementia.
Feeling useful not only reduces chronic stress and depression, but it provides healthy mental stimulation, leads to better lifestyle habits which contribute to a stronger cognitive reserve, and protects against neurodegeneration. Showing up for others really is showing up for yourself and your brain in a big way.
If you are struggling to identify your purpose, don’t make the mistake of thinking it has to be extraordinary. Purpose is rarely a grand calling. Instead, it is built through smaller moments of contribution. Mentoring someone at work, supporting a family member, caring for the environment, cooking for your busy friend, or providing great entertainment to make others laugh are all ways of feeling useful. Feeling useful is easy to achieve when you realise you do not have to change the entire world. Changing someone else’s day is enough.
It’s not about having everyone like you; it is about having a place in society. Humans evolved in groups, and feeling needed isn’t a weakness. It’s part of what gives life meaning. And if we don’t pay attention to that piece when constructing our sense of self worth, there will always be a void.
Every time you show up for someone else, you collect another piece of evidence about who you are. Over time, those moments strengthen your identity and self-worth. Showing up for others isn’t separate from showing up for yourself. From a psychological and neurological perspective, they may be one and the same.
Imagery: Death to Stock (Marlen_Stahlhuth_Photos), Justin Cueno, Death to Stock (Chris_Abatzis_Photos)
