Aaaaaand it’s back. That one day of the year that makes you question your singledom more than any other. Even though you know February 14 is coming, you can never quite prepare yourself for the see-saw of STRONG INDEPENDENT THOUGHTS contrasted with questioning your own sanity/eligibility. We present the emotional stages of being single on Valentine’s Day.

  1. Single. Loving life. I’m a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. Valentine’s Day is going to be a piece of cake!
  2. Oh. 11am and I haven’t received a text/snapchat/IM yet from anyone today.
  3. Better ring my mum.
  4. Dad bought Mum flowers. How sweet…
  5. Maybe I will get a bunch of flowers delivered to my door from a friend!
  6. Or maybe from a SECRET ADMIRER?!
  7. It’s been seven minutes and no flowers so far.
  8. Better go online and treat myself!
  9. But first, Facebook.
  10. Oh, look at the beautiful breakfast my ex made for his girlfriend. Never cooked for me! *Rolls eyes*
  11. Oh, look! Sarah and Jackson got engaged… and the ring is huge. Vomit.
  12. Whoops, just spent $200 on ASOS.
  13. No man is ever going to put up with my spending habits. I will be eternally single.
  14. At least I’ll look good
  15. F**k this, I want ice-cream.
  16. Why are there so many couples here getting ice-cream?
  17. Ice-cream isn’t that great anyway!
  18. Why do I have to wait in line so long?!?!
  19. Look at that old couple sharing an ice-cream. That’s actually so cute.
  20. Screw it, this line-up full of loved-up couples. I’m going to the servo to get a Magnum.
  21. Oh the cute guy filling up his car is smiling at me!
  22. Oh no, wait, he’s looking in the back of his car… at his child.
  23. Stupid DILF.
  24. I’m going home to watch Netflix. In bed. In the dark. And eat my ice-cream.
  25. *Gets Tinder message* “Hey, I hope you’re enjoying your Valentine’s Day! Do you have any plans tonight? ;)” *Closes Tinder*
  26. Why am I so oddly attracted to Pablo Escobar in Narcos?!?! What has become of me?
  27. *Gets text message* All hope is not lost! “You have now used all of your included data. To buy more add-ons, go to http://www.telstra.com”
  28. *Gets text message* “Hey babe, having a Galentine’s Day dinner tonight. Come at 6. Bring a bottle of red.”
  29. Better get two.
  30. I am so lucky to have such amazing girlfriends.
  31. This wine is going down a treat.
  32. How good is cheese?!
  33. Time to go home to cuddle the man in my life… my dog.
  34. At least he’s not a cat.
  35. Loving life. Don’t need no man. Valentine’s Day has been a piece of cake!